10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use to Influence People - Listverse

4/21/13

10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People - Listverse

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HUMANS

10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People GREGORY MYERS FEBRUARY 3, 2013

Before we get started, it’s important to note that none of these methods fall under what we would term the dark arts of influencing people. Anything that might be harmful to someone in any way, especially to their self esteem, is not included here. These are ways to win friends and influence people using psychology without being a jerk or making someone feel bad.

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Get Favors

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Trick: Get someone to do a favor for you—also known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win over a man who didn’t like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book and when the book was received he thanked him graciously. As a result, this the man who had never wanted to speak to him before, became good friends with Franklin. To quote Franklin: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.” Scientists decided to test this theory and found that those who were asked by the researcher for a personal favor rated the researcher much more favorably than the other groups did. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the theory is pretty sound. If someone does a favor for you, they are likely to rationalize that you must have been worth doing the favor for, and decide that therefore they must like you.

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Aim High

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Trick: Ask for way more than you want at first then scale it back later. This trick is sometimes known as the door in the face approach. You start by throwing a really ridiculous request at someone—a request they will most likely reject. You then come back shortly thereafter and ask for something much less ridiculous—the thing you actually wanted in the first place. This trick may also sound counter-intuitive, but the idea behind it is that the person will feel bad for refusing your first request, even though it was unreasonable, so when you ask for something reasonable they will feel obliged to help out this time. Scientists tested this principle and found that it worked extremely well as long as the same person asked for both the bigger and smaller favor, because the person feels obliged to help you the second time and not anyone else.

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Names

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Trick: Use a person’s name, or their title depending on the situation. Dale Carnegie, the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, believed that using someone’s name was incredibly important. He said that a person’s name is the sweetest sound in any language for that person. A name is the core part of our identity, and so hearing it validates our existence, which makes us much more inclined to feel positively about the person who validated us. But using a title, or form of address can also have strong effects, according to the as if principle. The idea is that if you act like a certain type of person, you will become that person, it’s a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy. To use this to influence others, you can refer to them as what you want them to be, so they will start thinking of themselves this way. This can be as simple as calling an acquaintance you want to be closer to “friend,” or “mate” whenever you see them, or referring to someone you want to work for as “boss.” But be warned: this can come off as very corny.

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Flattery

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Trick: Flattery will actually get you everywhere. This one may seem obvious at first, but there are some important caveats to it. For starters it’s important to note that if the flattery is not seen as sincere, it’s going to do more harm than good. But researchers have studied the motivations behind peoples reaction’s to flattery, and found some very important things. To put it simply, they found that people tend to look for cognitive balance, trying to always keep their thoughts and feelings organized in a similar way. So if you flatter someone who has high self esteem, and it is seen as sincere, they will like you more, as you are validating how they feel about themselves. However, if you flatter someone who has low self esteem, there is a chance it could backfire and cause them to like you less, because it interferes with how they perceive themselves. That, of course, does not mean you should demean a person of low self-esteem!

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Mirroring

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Trick: Mirror their behavior. Mirroring is also known as mimicry, and is something that some people do naturally. People with this skill are considered to be chameleons; they try to blend into their environment by copying other people’s behaviors, mannerisms and even speech patterns. However, this skill can also be used consciously, and is a great way to make you more likable. Researchers studied mimicry, and found that those who had been mimicked were much more likely to act favorably toward the person who had copied them. Even more interesting was their second find that those who had someone mimic their behavior were actually nicer and more agreeable to others in general—even those not involved in the situation. It is likely that the reason why this works is that mirroring someone’s behavior makes them feel validated. While this validation is likely to be most positively associated with the person who validated them, they will feel greater self-esteem and thus be more confident, happier and well disposed towards others.

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Use Tiredness

Trick: Ask for favors when someone is tired. listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/

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When someone is tired they are more susceptible to everything someone may say, whether it is a statement or a request. The reason for this is that when people are tired it isn’t just their physical body, their mental energy levels drop as well. When you ask a request of someone who is tired, you probably won’t get a definite response, but probably an “I’ll do it tomorrow,” because they don’t want to deal with decisions at the moment. The next day, they are likely to follow through because people tend to keep their word; it’s natural psychologically to want to follow through with something you said you would do.

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Offer They Can’t Refuse

Trick: Start with a request they can’t refuse and work your way up. This is a reverse of the door in the face technique. Instead of starting with a large request, you start with something really small. Once someone has committed to helping you, or agreeing to something, they are now more likely to agree to a bigger request. Scientists tested this phenomenon in regards to marketing. They started by getting people to express support for the rain forests and the environment—which is a fairly simple request. Then they found that once they had gotten them to express their agreement to supporting the environment, they were much easier to convince when it came to buying products that supported rain forests and other such things. However, don’t start with one request and immediately assail them with another. Psychologists found it much more effective if you wait a day or two to make the second listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/

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request.

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Keep Quiet

Trick: Don’t correct people when they are wrong. Carnegie also pointed out in his famous book that telling someone they are wrong is usually unnecessary and does the opposite of endearing them to you. There is actually a way to show disagreement and turn it into a polite conversation without telling someone they are wrong, which strikes to the core of their ego. This is called the Ransberger Pivot, invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea behind it is pretty simple: instead of arguing, listen to what they have to say, and then seek to understand how they feel and why. Then you explain the common ground that you share with them, and use that as a starting point to explain your position. This makes them much more likely to listen to what you have to say, and allows you to correct them without them losing face.

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Repeat Stuff Back

Trick: Paraphrase people and repeat back to them what they just said. listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/

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One of the most positive ways to influence others is to show them that you really understand how they feel, that you have real empathy for them. One of the most effective ways to do this is by paraphrasing what they say and repeating it back to them, also known as reflective listening. Studies have shown that when therapists used reflective listening, people were likely to disclose more emotion and have a much better therapeutic relationship with the therapist. This easily transfers over to talking to your friends. If you listen to what they say, and rephrase it as a question to confirm that you understood it, they are going to be more comfortable talking with you. They are also going to have a better friendship with you and be more likely to listen to what you have to say, because you showed that you care about them.

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Nod

Trick: Nod a lot while you talk, especially when leading up to asking for a favor. Scientists have found that when people nod while listening to something, they are more likely to be in agreement with it. They also have discovered that when someone is nodding a lot in front of them, it is natural for them to do the same. This is understandable because humans are well known at mimicking behaviors, especially those that they consider to have positive connotations. So if you want to be extra convincing, nod regularly throughout the conversation. The person you are talking to will find it hard not to nod themselves, and they will start to feel agreeable toward what you are saying, without even knowing it. listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/

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You can follow Gregory Myers on Twitter.

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78 comments

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Com m unity

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Fi n k

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3 months ago

Great list, ignore all the wimps who will moan about the content. The sort of people who will take offence to this are more than likely the sort of schmucks who need someone else to do their thinking in the first place. 76

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Ja m i e Fra te r M o d

Fink • 3 months ago

Thanks :) I try to ignore the moaning but it can be pretty loud sometimes! 27

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b l a ckm a m b a

Jamie Frater • 3 months ago

This list was awesome keep up the work^^^^. 14

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n rj k

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Jamie Frater • 3 months ago

Hmmm, loud moaning... Anyone around here have thin walls in an apartment? Moaning can be loud sometimes... 5

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Fink • 3 months ago

Agree, good list, well, except for number 3. You got that one wrong. 4

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n i e t!

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Fair • 3 months ago

I see what you did thar. 3

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Gre a tL i s tBe s ti n a Wh i l e

Fink • 3 months ago

Great list, best in a while! 5

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D r.Aw kw a rd

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3 months ago

These "tricks" annoy me, especially if I notice someone doing them to me (and I often do notice, I've read a few books, too). The most annoying incident was when I was at a psychiatrist and I noticed that he followed all of my movements. If I crossed my legs, he crossed his, if I scratched my chin, he scratched his. I was supposed to talk to him about my troubles, but I got distracted by trying to make him do every move I did. I knew what he was trying to do, he was trying to build a rapport with me. In a very clumsy way. So I scratched my balls to see if he would do the same. He didn't. Instead he looked annoyed and sent me away. :D 41

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Ja m i e Fra te r M o d Dr.Aw kw ard • 3 months ago listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/

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Ja m i e Fra te r M o d

Dr.Aw kw ard • 3 months ago

You aren't meant to notice them being done I think :) 13

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Ba zz H u e rta

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Dr.Aw kw ard • 3 months ago

We subconsciously mirror people anyway. I notice myself doing it without even thinking,e.g. If someone I'm talking to puts a hand on their hip, mine goes there. It is how anyone with social intelligence learns to relate. 8

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m p h o ka n a

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Dr.Aw kw ard • 3 months ago

Lol........ 2

Ma g m a r

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3 months ago

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I disagree that consciously mirroring someone makes you more likable. A girl once started doing it to me and at first I was happy because everyone knows that's a good sign but when she started mirroring my every movement and it become apparent she was doing it on purpose she came off as trying too hard. The opening of this list reminded me of when Snape was explaining occlumency to Harry. 16

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Ja m i e Fra te r M o d

Magmar • 3 months ago

I think you are right - but in a different sense: it is probable that she just wasn't good at it. I think it is meant to be very subtle and certainly not done repetitively. 12

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eggom anic

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Magmar • 3 months ago

I almost gave you a "like" until you killed it with a Harry Potter reference. ok.. ok.. I'll still give you one. 7

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Ma xi m u z

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eggomanic • 3 months ago

what about his/her name being a fire type pokemon? You have to give points for that! 7

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eggom anic

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Maximuz • 3 months ago

Whoa. I know what pokemon are but I didn't know there are types. Thanks for making me feel old. 5

Be n Mc

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eggomanic • 3 months ago

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Psychology Tricks You Can Use To Influence People - Listverse Be n Mc 10eggomanic • 3 months ago

I once told a geeky friend I could name more bikes then he could Pokemon. His reply? "649, GO AHEAD BITCH." So yea, there's a few apparently. 13

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Ja m i e Fra te r M o d

BenMc • 3 months ago

Wow seriously? I thought there were just four types - the pink one, green one, yellow one, and red one. And one has a handbag. 6

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Be n Mc

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Jamie Frater • 3 months ago

No doubt the one with the bags in charge, usually the way. I'm probably playing fast and loose with definitions. Thankfully my own knowledge is woefully lacking in this area. Were you jealous of the bag out of interest? I remember seeing one with quite a snazzy jacket I couldn't track down in reality. Reply

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An d yC

Jamie Frater • 17 days ago

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Sounds like Teletubbies 0

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Ma g m a r

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BenMc • 3 months ago

Pokemon is not geeky! I've been saying it since 1997 and I'll be saying it until the day I die. Your friend is as cool as a Polar bear's piss. 2

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Be n Mc

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Magmar • 3 months ago

He'd agree with you. Your both very strange men. 2

Ms Me d i e va l

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3 months ago

Who in the world likes to be mimicked?!? It's not flattering, it's just annoying. 14

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eggom anic

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Ms Medieval • 3 months ago

Right, who really in the world likes to be mimicked? Some nerve. 47

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Be n j a m i n

Ms Medieval • 3 months ago

Well not mimicked in the sense of copying their very ideals. At the core you are still you, while acting out in similar ways how that person would act in public. In a way, you know what they like, how they act (i.e. knowing when to be obnoxious and at the same time quiet and reserved), and telling them along the lines of what they want to hear, without following them step for step. It's tricky, but it works. Believe me, some people can't do this. For instance, I have a group of "nerdy" friends who love playing games, and are very passive. On the other hand, I have loud, obnoxious friends who love to party, and swear. I can manage both, and it doesn't bother me. If you ever try putting the groups together, it makes for some pretty awkward convo's. 8

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D i e g o L Sch o u te n

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3 months ago

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Looks like a sales manual. I hate sales and sales people. 21

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Jo s e p h Kh a rs h o u m

Diego L Schouten • 3 months ago

how can you say that when every single person is a salesperson. no matter if professional or social we are always trying to sell something. whether for monitary gains or social gains or even spirtual gains. a 2 year old will sell you a smile for a smile back or a treat ... examples are endless 6

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Jo C o o p e r

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Diego L Schouten • 3 months ago

The problem is tat everyone is trying these tricks all the time. They have become obvious and annoying. 2

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Rob

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Diego L Schouten • 3 months ago

Why? 1

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Rob • 3 months ago

cause they're annoying. they use dumb tricks like this and think they're winning some kind of psychological game while the other person just waits for them to feel they've won so they can ask which direction the damn computers are in.. 21

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P5 cyh o R a z

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adsa • 3 months ago

Sounds more like you're angry at yourself for being fooled by said "salesman," more than the salesman themselves. Salty much? 15

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P5cyhoRaz • 3 months ago

lol nope, i noticed i sounded a little agressive too. I'm pretty tech savvy so going into stores i usually know what to get and what not to get. My anger was actually directed towards people who use that stuff everyday, not salesman. Salesman have a justified reason to at least try these tactics. But as I'm sure some of you have probably noticed people try to use these tactics in social situations too, there is no "winning" in social situations so it gets annoying but i guess I just don't like playing "mind games" for that same reason (no reward for investing time and effort in "beating" your friend/girlfriend at their/your "mind games". also...salty? really? lol... 4

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adsa • 3 months ago

It also could be that sales people are just naturally like this are are relegated to sales. 2

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a s i a n ch i ck

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Rob • 3 months ago

Seriously...... 3

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Mo m 4 2 4 M o d

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3 months ago

Excellent list - a rather difficult subject and you made it entertaining and concise. Really good job. Most of these I did know or intuited, I was a very good waitress and I used most of these every day. Many days I made more in tips than the guy who ran the kitchen. Remember their names, remember their kids and grandkids. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. So you can ask the correct next question. And give a shit - that last one is most important. Also been married to the same guy since I was a teenager; somebody asked me once about a successful marriage. I said a successful marriage requires that you not only apologize when you're wrong, but also sometimes when you're right. A necessary skill. Again, great job. 11

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Mom424 • 3 months ago

Waitressing really does build up a 'salesman' type personality when one is skilled at it. I can relate to that a lot. In addition to doing well with tips, my mother has always told me I was very charming and manipulative, but I also learned many of these behaviors waiting tables. 3

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i m _ Bu ck_ G

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3 months ago

Great list. 6

An d y

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3 months ago

"Anything that might be harmful to someone in any way, especially to their self esteem, is not included here." Maybe you should make a list of them so people (especially potential victims) will know how to defend themselves against them. 5

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Ma xi m u z

Andy • 3 months ago

Nice cover... YEAH i want to know these too...to....defend myself (looks both ways) 4

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Maximuz • 3 months ago

I've been a victim of such things when I was less experienced. So its only natural that I would want to see others warned about such things. 0

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Andy • 3 months ago

Do you know that Al Bundy (= actor Ed O'Neill) got a black belt in Brazilian JiuJitsu after 14 years of practice? This is true, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v... So now he can defend himself against Peg, Bud and the Blonde. :) So, I recommend Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to everyone. It worked for Al Bundy, so it should work for you!

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Ju s ti n

Andy • 3 months ago

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Who cares! 1

Be n Mc

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3 months ago

Read "The Game" if you want insidious but more effective methods of influencing. Its mainly geared towards pulling women but a lot of the techniques, such as "negs" translate into many walks of life. I think these things only work short term though, I don't know many people who use these techniques over years with one person and not end up being hated by them, you still need some actual substance to make any relationship last.

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some actual substance to make any relationship last.

The tricks generally ruined once you know how its done. 4

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BenMc • 3 months ago

Also, the "tricks" work when they are played by a minority. Once they get absorbed in more people they lose the charm. Besides, all the "tricks" are farce once you are married. The best after-marriage trick is to play the dumb-cow when there are arguments. Not the most productive but the least damaging. 4

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Be n Mc

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Adeel • 3 months ago

My grandmother always said the secret to a quiet marriage was separate TV's. 3

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BenMc • 3 months ago

Your grandmother is genius. 3

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BenMc • 3 months ago

Perhaps they're best used to establish a good first impression and help open the door to a relationship. 3

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Be n Mc

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Roboto • 3 months ago

That's probably just about the only justification I could think off for them. 1

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Ma xi m u z

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BenMc • 3 months ago

Mystery would disagree 0

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Be n Mc

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Maximuz • 3 months ago

In general or anything in particular? 0

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