Cosmic Coupling by Starsky and Cox - Excerpt

Cosmic Coupling • T HE SE X T R O L O GY O F R EL AT ION SHIP S

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Copyright © 2009 by Wheel Atelier Inc. All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York. www.crownpublishing.com Three Rivers Press and the Tugboat design are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available. ISBN 978- 0-307-33796-2 Printed in the United States of America Design by Jennifer Daddio and Elina Nudelman 10

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      To purchase a copy of 

Cosmic Coupling   

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contents Introduction

Aries Man + Libra Man Aries Woman + Libra Woman

2

the contest the cotillion

42

the riddle the rite the rub the rush

44

the escapade the élan the extreme the event

50

the crusade the crossroads the conduit the core

56

the anomaly the analogy the association the alcove

62

the reverie the refuge the realness the residence

68

the front the freehold the fold

74

the camp the courtship

78

43

Aries + Scorpio

Aries + Aries Aries Man + Aries Woman Aries Man + Aries Man Aries Woman + Aries Woman

the ultimate the unspoken the urge

Aries Man + Scorpio Woman Aries Woman + Scorpio Man Aries Man + Scorpio Man Aries Woman + Scorpio Woman

4 6 7

Aries + Taurus Aries Man + Taurus Woman Aries Woman + Taurus Man Aries Man + Taurus Man Aries Woman + Taurus Woman

the classic the counterpoint the clash the crush

48 49

Aries + Sagittarius

8

Aries Man + Sagittarius Woman Aries Woman + Sagittarius Man Aries Man + Sagittarius Man Aries Woman + Sagittarius Woman

10 12 13

Aries + Gemini Aries Man + Gemini Woman Aries Woman + Gemini Man Aries Man + Gemini Man Aries Woman + Gemini Woman

46

52 54 55

Aries + Capricorn

the heat the happening the hunger the hype

14

the fairytale the fix the failsafe the foray

20

the glow the gold the grabbag the guild

26

31

Aries Man + Pisces Woman Aries Woman + Pisces Man Aries Man + Pisces Man Aries Woman + Pisces Woman

the puzzle the pact the plot the project

32

Taurus + Taurus

34

Taurus Man + Taurus Woman Taurus Man + Taurus Man Taurus Woman + Taurus Woman

the compound the complement

38

Aries Man + Capricorn Woman Aries Woman + Capricorn Man Aries Man + Capricorn Man Aries Woman + Capricorn Woman

16 18 19

Aries + Cancer

58 60 61

Aries + Aquarius

Aries Man + Cancer Woman Aries Woman + Cancer Man Aries Man + Cancer Man Aries Woman + Cancer Woman

Aries Man + Aquarius Woman Aries Woman + Aquarius Man Aries Man + Aquarius Man Aries Woman + Aquarius Woman

22 24 25

Aries + Leo

64 66 67

Aries + Pisces

Aries Man + Leo Woman Aries Woman + Leo Man Aries Man + Leo Man Aries Woman + Leo Woman

28 30

70 72 73

Aries + Virgo Aries Man + Virgo Woman Aries Woman + Virgo Man Aries Man + Virgo Man Aries Woman + Virgo Woman

36 37

76 77

Taurus + Gemini

Aries + Libra Aries Man + Libra Woman Aries Woman + Libra Man

Taurus Man + Gemini Woman Taurus Woman + Gemini Man

40

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Taurus Man + Gemini Man Taurus Woman + Gemini Woman

the co-op the clatch

82

Taurus + Pisces

83

Taurus Man + Pisces Woman Taurus Woman + Pisces Man Taurus Man + Pisces Man Taurus Woman + Pisces Woman

Taurus + Cancer Taurus Man + Cancer Woman Taurus Woman + Cancer Man Taurus Man + Cancer Man Taurus Woman + Cancer Woman

the purpose the package the posture the practice

84

89

Gemini + Gemini

90

Gemini Man + Gemini Woman Gemini Man + Gemini Man Gemini Woman + Gemini Woman

the imprint the item the itch the industry

Gemini Man + Cancer Woman Gemini Woman + Cancer Man Gemini Man + Cancer Man Gemini Woman + Cancer Woman

95

the mother lode the mandate the maneuver the match

96 98

Gemini Man + Leo Woman Gemini Woman + Leo Man Gemini Man + Leo Man Gemini Woman + Leo Woman

101

the beauty the breeze the break the benefit

102

the lab the lure the leap the limit

108

104

Gemini Man + Virgo Woman Gemini Woman + Virgo Man Gemini Man + Virgo Man Gemini Woman + Virgo Woman

107

110

Gemini Man + Libra Woman Gemini Woman + Libra Man Gemini Man + Libra Man Gemini Woman + Libra Woman

113

the thrill the trip the trance the trust

114 116

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the parity the push the particular the palimsest

154

the groove the gravytrain the gas the glom

160

the web the whodunit the work the wunderkind

166

the reflex the reflection the riot the rally

172

the operation the opacity

178

146 147

150 152 153

156 158 159

162 164 165

Gemini + Scorpio

118

Gemini Man + Scorpio Woman Gemini Woman + Scorpio Man Gemini Man + Scorpio Man Gemini Woman + Scorpio Woman

119

the understanding the upside the usual the utmost

the method the mission the moment the miscellany

148

144

Gemini + Libra

112

168 170 171

120 122

Gemini + Sagittarius

124

Gemini Man + Sagittarius Woman Gemini Woman + Sagittarius Man Gemini Man + Sagittarius Man Gemini Woman + Sagittarius Woman

125

Taurus + Aquarius Taurus Man + Aquarius Woman Taurus Woman + Aquarius Man Taurus Man + Aquarius Man Taurus Woman + Aquarius Woman

the boon the booty the boast the blast

141

Gemini + Virgo

106

Taurus + Capricorn Taurus Man + Capricorn Woman Taurus Woman + Capricorn Man Taurus Man + Capricorn Man Taurus Woman + Capricorn Woman

142

140

Gemini + Leo

100

Taurus + Sagittarius Taurus Man + Sagittarius Woman Taurus Woman + Sagittarius Man Taurus Man + Sagittarius Man Taurus Woman + Sagittarius Woman

the test the trade the tryst the tirade

137

Gemini + Cancer

94

Taurus + Scorpio Taurus Man + Scorpio Woman Taurus Woman + Scorpio Man Taurus Man + Scorpio Man Taurus Woman + Scorpio Woman

138

136

92

Taurus + Libra Taurus Man + Libra Woman Taurus Woman + Libra Man Taurus Man + Libra Man Taurus Woman + Libra Woman

the hive the hotbed the home depot

134

88

Taurus + Virgo Taurus Man + Virgo Woman Taurus Woman + Virgo Man Taurus Man + Virgo Man Taurus Woman + Virgo Woman

132

86

Taurus + Leo Taurus Man + Leo Woman Taurus Woman + Leo Man Taurus Man + Leo Man Taurus Woman + Leo Woman

the winner the wonder the would-be the well-being

174 176 177

126 128

Gemini + Capricorn

130

Gemini Man + Capricorn Woman Gemini Woman + Capricorn Man

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Gemini Man + Capricorn Man the obvious Gemini Woman + Capricorn Woman the ovation

182

Cancer + Capricorn

183

Cancer Man + Capricorn Woman Cancer Woman + Capricorn Man Cancer Man + Capricorn Man Cancer Woman + Capricorn Woman

Gemini + Aquarius Gemini Man + Aquarius Woman Gemini Woman + Aquarius Man Gemini Man + Aquarius Man Gemini Woman + Aquarius Woman

the jollies the jigger the jest the jamboree

184

Cancer Man + Aquarius Woman Cancer Woman + Aquarius Man Cancer Man + Aquarius Man Cancer Woman + Aquarius Woman

189

the mirage the machine the maelstrom the modus operandi

the levee the landed the locker

190 192

Cancer Man + Pisces Woman Cancer Woman + Pisces Man Cancer Man + Pisces Man Cancer Woman + Pisces Woman

195

198 199

Leo + Leo

the fealty the force the fief the felicitation

200

Leo Man + Leo Woman Leo Man + Leo Man Leo Woman + Leo Woman

the cache the cinch the club the coven

206

202

the finery the funhouse the firm the fast

Leo Man + Virgo Woman Leo Woman + Virgo Man Leo Man + Virgo Man Leo Woman + Virgo Woman

205

208

the bower the bunker the burg the be-in

Leo Man + Libra Woman Leo Woman + Libra Man Leo Man + Libra Man Leo Woman + Libra Woman

211

212 214

the inlet the intensity the ignition the initiation

248

the calling the catch the confines the confidence

252

the balm the balance the brink the board

258

the feast the funk the feel the favor

264

the span the stretch the salute the spectacle

270

the configuration the collateral

276

241

244 246 247

250 251

254 256 257

260 262 263

Leo + Scorpio

216

Leo Man + Scorpio Woman Leo Woman + Scorpio Man Leo Man + Scorpio Man Leo Woman + Scorpio Woman

217

266 268 269

218 220

Leo + Sagittarius

222

Leo Man + Sagittarius Woman Leo Woman + Sagittarius Man Leo Man + Sagittarius Man Leo Woman + Sagittarius Woman

223

Cancer + Sagittarius Cancer Man + Sagittarius Woman Cancer Woman + Sagittarius Man Cancer Man + Sagittarius Man Cancer Woman + Sagittarius Woman

the pride the prowess the panacea

240

Leo + Libra

210

Cancer + Scorpio Cancer Man + Scorpio Woman Cancer Woman + Scorpio Man Cancer Man + Scorpio Man Cancer Woman + Scorpio Woman

242

238

Leo + Virgo

204

Cancer + Libra Cancer Man + Libra Woman Cancer Woman + Libra Man Cancer Man + Libra Man Cancer Woman + Libra Woman

the idyll the infusion the insulation the idiom

235

196

Cancer + Virgo Cancer Man + Virgo Woman Cancer Woman + Virgo Man Cancer Man + Virgo Man Cancer Woman + Virgo Woman

236

234

Cancer + Pisces

194

Cancer + Leo Cancer Man + Leo Woman Cancer Woman + Leo Man Cancer Man + Leo Man Cancer Woman + Leo Woman

the awakening the asylum the academy the atelier

232

Cancer + Aquarius

188

Cancer + Cancer Cancer Man + Cancer Woman Cancer Man + Cancer Man Cancer Woman + Cancer Woman

230

186

Gemini + Pisces Gemini Man + Pisces Woman Gemini Woman + Pisces Man Gemini Man + Pisces Man Gemini Woman + Pisces Woman

the approach the apex the alternative the antimatter

272 274 275

224 226

Leo + Capricorn

228

Leo Man + Capricorn Woman Leo Woman + Capricorn Man

229

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Leo Man + Capricorn Man Leo Woman + Capricorn Woman

the curiosity the cut

280

Virgo + Pisces

281

Virgo Man + Pisces Woman Virgo Woman + Pisces Man Virgo Man + Pisces Man Virgo Woman + Pisces Woman

Leo + Aquarius Leo Man + Aquarius Woman Leo Woman + Aquarius Man Leo Man + Aquarius Man Leo Woman + Aquarius Woman

the living-end the lift the lark the lamp

282

287

Libra + Libra

288

Libra Man + Libra Woman Libra Man + Libra Man Libra Woman + Libra Woman

the realm the roll-out the rave the range

Libra Man + Scorpio Woman Libra Woman + Scorpio Man Libra Man + Scorpio Man Libra Woman + Scorpio Woman

293

the factory the framework the forum

294

Libra Man + Sagittarius Woman Libra Woman + Sagittarius Man Libra Man + Sagittarius Man Libra Woman + Sagittarius Woman

297

the production the proof the party the pass

298 300

Libra Man + Capricorn Woman Libra Woman + Capricorn Man Libra Man + Capricorn Man Libra Woman + Capricorn Woman

303

the superiority the seduction the scrutiny the scandal

304 306

Libra Man + Aquarius Woman Libra Woman + Aquarius Man Libra Man + Aquarius Man Libra Woman + Aquarius Woman

309

the climb the close the cruise the cabal

310 312

Libra + Pisces

314

Libra Man + Pisces Woman Libra Woman + Pisces Man Libra Man + Pisces Man Libra Woman + Pisces Woman

315

the assignation the ascension the access the acknowledgment

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the situation the service the sensation the stuff

344

the dynasty the dynamic the dignity the distance

350

the jury the jewel the jeté the juice

356

the art the articulation the act the assessment

362

the possession the preoccupation the peak

368

the studio the sticker

372

340 342 343

346 348 349

352 354 355

Libra + Aquarius

308

358 360 361

364 366 367

316 318 320

Scorpio + Scorpio

321

Scorpio Man + Scorpio Woman Scorpio Man + Scorpio Man Scorpio Woman + Scorpio Woman

Virgo + Aquarius Virgo Man + Aquarius Woman Virgo Woman + Aquarius Man Virgo Man + Aquarius Man Virgo Woman + Aquarius Woman

the riches the reason the rhythm the ride

337

Libra + Capricorn

302

Virgo + Capricorn Virgo Man + Capricorn Woman Virgo Woman + Capricorn Man Virgo Man + Capricorn Man Virgo Woman + Capricorn Woman

338

336

Libra + Sagittarius

296

Virgo + Sagittarius Virgo Man + Sagittarius Woman Virgo Woman + Sagittarius Man Virgo Man + Sagittarius Man Virgo Woman + Sagittarius Woman

the ephemeron the epitome the epicenter the epilogue

333

Libra + Scorpio

292

Virgo + Scorpio Virgo Man + Scorpio Woman Virgo Woman + Scorpio Man Virgo Man + Scorpio Man Virgo Woman + Scorpio Woman

334

332

290

Virgo + Libra Virgo Man + Libra Woman Virgo Woman + Libra Man Virgo Man + Libra Man Virgo Woman + Libra Woman

the light the line the law

330

286

Virgo + Virgo Virgo Man + Virgo Woman Virgo Man + Virgo Man Virgo Woman + Virgo Woman

328

284

Leo + Pisces Leo Man + Pisces Woman Leo Woman + Pisces Man Leo Man + Pisces Man Leo Woman + Pisces Woman

the supposition the supplication the surge the splurge

370 371

322 324

Scorpio + Sagittarius

326

Scorpio Man + Sagittarius Woman Scorpio Woman + Sagittarius Man

327

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Scorpio Man + Sagittarius Man the stint Scorpio Woman + Sagittarius Woman the study

377

Sagittarius Man + Pisces Man Sagittarius Woman + Pisces Woman

378

Capricorn + Capricorn

376

Scorpio + Capricorn Scorpio Man + Capricorn Woman Scorpio Woman + Capricorn Man Scorpio Man + Capricorn Man Scorpio Woman + Capricorn Woman

the complex the context the council the control

Capricorn Man + Capricorn Woman the view Capricorn Man + Capricorn Man the vault Capricorn Woman + Capricorn Woman the vogue

380 382 383

416 417

418 420 421

Capricorn + Aquarius

Scorpio + Aquarius Scorpio Man + Aquarius Woman Scorpio Woman + Aquarius Man Scorpio Man + Aquarius Man Scorpio Woman + Aquarius Woman

the rapport the respite

the advantage the accolade the antithesis the accident

Capricorn Man + Aquarius Woman Capricorn Woman + Aquarius Man Capricorn Man + Aquarius Man Capricorn Woman + Aquarius Woman

384 386 388 389

the hotbed the hold the hitch the hamper

422

the choice the check the cheek the chic

428

424 426 427

Capricorn + Pisces

Scorpio + Pisces Scorpio Man + Pisces Woman Scorpio Woman + Pisces Man Scorpio Man + Pisces Man Scorpio Woman + Pisces Woman

the issue the installation the insinuation the isostasy

Capricorn Man + Pisces Woman Capricorn Woman + Pisces Man Capricorn Man + Pisces Man Capricorn Woman + Pisces Woman

390 392 394

430 432 433

395

Aquarius + Aquarius

Sagittarius + Sagittarius Sagittarius Man + Sagittarius Woman the olympics Sagittarius Man + Sagittarius Man the optimum Sagittarius Woman + Sagittarius Woman the open

Aquarius Man + Aquarius Woman the humanity Aquarius Man + Aquarius Man the heights Aquarius Woman + Aquarius Woman the hollow

396 398

434 436 437

399

Aquarius + Pisces Sagittarius + Capricorn Sagittarius Man + Capricorn Woman Sagittarius Woman + Capricorn Man Sagittarius Man + Capricorn Man Sagittarius Woman + Capricorn Woman

the emphasis the emergency the extremity the exemption

Aquarius Man + Pisces Woman Aquarius Woman + Pisces Man Aquarius Man + Pisces Man Aquarius Woman + Pisces Woman

400 402 404

438

the pietà the pier the piety

444

440 442 443

405

Pisces + Pisces

Sagittarius + Aquarius Sagittarius Man + Aquarius Woman Sagittarius Woman + Aquarius Man Sagittarius Man + Aquarius Man Sagittarius Woman + Aquarius Woman

the redress the reveal the resonance the reel

the incubator the intelligencer the instigation the insurgence

406

the resistance the reliance

412

Pisces Man + Pisces Woman Pisces Man + Pisces Man Pisces Woman + Pisces Woman

408 410

446 447

411

Sagittarius + Pisces Sagittarius Man + Pisces Woman Sagittarius Woman + Pisces Man

414

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introduction

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With our first book, Sextrology, subtitled The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes, we put forth the notion that men and women of the same sign were actually quite different from one another, and focused, thus, on the twenty-four gender signs in the zodiac, outlining in considerable detail each one’s archetypal, psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual natures, managing to break new ground in the field of this starry science, even within the parameters of sun-sign analysis. And though our beloved readers have expressed untold appreciation for the material we laid down in that “red bible,” as many have called Sextrology, there was an almost immediate outcry for more information on, and insight into, specific relationships, something we touched upon only briefly, in encapsulated form, at the end of each of Sextrology’s chapters. Indeed, many a reader considered these relationship blurbs as “coming attractions,” of sorts, presaging a second book, which wasn’t our original intention. Actually, the second book we had in mind was one that explained the practicality of our original astrological philosophy, something we have employed in our private consultations and long hinted at in our live appearances (pin in that one for the time being). Naturally, the last thing we wanted to do was ignore the requests of our rabid readers, and so the concept for Cosmic Coupling was born. Though this book takes the 24 characters in Sextrology and combines them with one another into every possible relationship, gay and straight, Cosmic Coupling stands very much on its own. There are 300 possible relationship pairings in the zodiac, 144 heterosexual, and 156 gay and lesbian couples, 78 each. We therefore envisoned and proposed a 600-page book, a two-page spread per combination; but the powers that be thought that was too unwieldy a tome, and so our gay and lesbian friends, of which we have innumerable, were given one page each. But fear not. We did our damnedest to hit all the same marks in those chapters as in the straight ones. And who knows, maybe our gay readers will have their own Starsky + Cox book one day and end up getting the lion’s share of attention after all. Anyway, herein, all the chapters are necessarily •

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short. Still, whereas in Sextrology, we dedicated twenty-some pages to any given gender sign, Virgo man, let’s say, here, in Cosmic Coupling, he has nearly forty pages to indulge his self-curiosity. Otherwise, there is the rest of the book via which to satisfy his signature voyeuristic streak, not being the only individual to boast one. Indeed, in this book, each sign’s secret, and sometimes not-so-secret, desires are revealed in relationship to every other sign. And though we didn’t have the luxury of endless space to go into great archetypal and psychological detail, we did try to illustrate each of the zodiacal figures, all of us, as much as possible from that more academic perspective, one which seems to have resonated so strongly with our audience. For those of you who glazed over such material in Sextrology, thinking myth-schmyth when we waxed more metaphorical, if not metaphysical, anxious to get to the naughtier bits: well, you’ll be pleased that in this volume you have less lofty musings to wade through. There is nary time to waste, herein, tackling so vast a landscape of love and lust, via the stars, and we hope you’ll find, too, that there is little room for error. It was our intention to live up to the reputation you’ve bestowed upon us for being at turns high- and low-minded, smart and funny, timely and time-honoring, spiritually motivating and sexually candid, none such pairings of opposites being mutually exclusive but rather essential components in the paradoxical nature of all things, personal relationships included. Just as we seek to enlighten, remember that we wish to entertain you as well. Perhaps even more so than our first book, Cosmic Coupling lends itself to hours of jolly recitation in the company of intimates or those one hopes to draw closer. Even when a skeptical someone of a certain sign (perhaps that Virgo man) exclaims, “I’ve never done that,” when hearing the nitty-gritty details of his partnering with a past or present lover, keep in mind that, chances are, he either secretly desires to engage in such activities or else maybe he should. We respect the fact that ours is a sophisticated readership and that you needn’t have text sugarcoated in order to ingest it. That said, we did try to employ original turns of phrase to soften the impact of more shocking information, hoping to inspire laughter, titillation, and/or revulsion in equal measure. Sex shouldn’t be some weighty taboo subject, nor should it become so great a preoccupation, either. It is of course a core element of our natures and the very impetus to life, while its more divergent themes and variations thereupon are endlessly fascinating. To be fair, our dear, discriminating Virgo should know that not every shred of analysis is going to hit the nail on the head; rather, when we assert a certain sexual activity is a Virgo proclivity, that is to say that of all the signs, his is most likely to undertake it— not that every one of his number will. We are still working within the general scope of sun-sign astrology here and can’t be as exacting, on any subject, as we are when interpreting an individual’s own birth chart. And yet our empirical approach to astrology as it applies, in our first two books, now, to sex (gender) and sexuality has, as our readers have expressed, been on target a great percentage of the time. And so, just as we were so pleased to have brought to life the twenty-four sex signs of the zodiac in Sextrology, here we are likewise proud to have illustrated just what happens when all these gorgeous characters are let loose on one another. We hope our celestial survey of relationships brings a twinkle, twinkle to your eyes. •

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GEMINI MAN

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AQUARIUS WOMAN

the jollies CHEMISTRY

Gemini has never encountered a more receptive girl than the Aquarian. She is warm and open, even to his silly pickup lines, laughing gaily at his jokes, and returning his quips. He sees this creature, infamously lit from within, who seems to have nary a mean-spirited bone in her body. Indeed, Aquarius is fun loving and she, of all women, is attracted to Gemini’s prankish demeanor, just as she is sent shivers by his signature mischievous smile and eyes. Aquarius is big “into energy,” while good looks don’t hurt, either. Gemini man is a force of nature— an electrical storm wrapped in a comely, typically compact package. Aquarius lives her life as in an eternal childhood— this girl, more than any, just wants to kick up her heels. Gemini strikes her as the kind of guy who would not only applaud her running away to join the circus but also tag right along with her. More than anything, it’s a pal, a playmate, that Gemini seeks for a long-term relationship. In the Aquarius he envisions someone with whom he can share his whole life, not just intersect with this point or that. He is, in effect, looking for his female twin. With him, the Waterbearer feels certain she’s found true romance. She often has had her fair share of jaded guys— so Gemini can be a real breath of fresh air. C O MPATIBILIT Y

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Aquarius is typically attracted to off-the-grid guys, which sees her landing some real losers. The Twins is a streetwise character who enjoys bucking the system, if not mainstream society, in his own harmless ways, but he’s rarely a misanthrope. He may be a biker, but he’ll still have a bankroll. And he prides himself on providing for his lady, even if she’s the one trailing a fortune. Though a creature of habit in many ways, Gemini likes to try new things, within reach— restaurants, vacation spots, sports, and so on. Aquarius will be right by his side. She is game even if she hasn’t got it (she can be gawky). Aquarius rules Gemini’s cosmic 9th house of aspirations, particularly those relating to cultural exposure, travel, and otherwise expanding one’s mind via experience. Indeed, the Waterbearer helps to lift Gemini outside his usual Habitrail, not only opening his mind to diverse influences but helping him shift beyond his garden gate, extended family, and dusty cadre of cronies. There is a shamanistic quality to the 9th house, and quirky Aquarius will support Gemini, especially in his most far-out spiritual or intellectual vision quests. Gemini has great power of positive thinking, which often goes untapped. Aquarius helps him plug into it. In turn, Gemini governs Aquarius’ 5th •

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house of creativity, fun, and love affairs. To her this relationship feels like her first crush, in forever mode. It provides her a wholesome sense of adventure, even in enjoying life’s little pleasures. And because this astrological house rules real and metaphoric creativity, Aquarius, not the most maternally instinctive of women, is especially broody, wanting to reproduce, just as she’s more likely to breathe life into artistic brainchildren. If and when this relationship breaks up, it can be most devastating for her. CARNALIT Y

Aquarius can’t seem to get enough of her Gemini man. He’s the king of the quickies, and she, too, learns to enjoy a lot of little sex rather than infrequent major freak sessions. She tends to be kinkier than he is, but so long as she keeps that slightly under wraps, he’s happy to indulge her in the privacy of their own love shack. She would even do well to feign never having explored her wackier fantasies until meeting the Gemini man, making him feel worthy of her trust. At the very least she should play down past experiences. Gemini has a dual madonna-whore dynamic going on with women. He likes to think he’s getting the former and creating the latter. For Waterbearers seeking advice: What Gemini doesn’t know will never kill him. But it’s hard for this fellow, whose sign motto is “I think,” to get images out of his head. Not that he’s so vanilla flavored. For starters, he will easily indulge in a bit of bondage. All Geminis fancy themselves swashbuckling pirates so he may enjoy putting his Aquarian wench in irons. Teasing activities and mind games are always fun for the Twins, so blindfolding the Waterbearer and taking her by myriad surprises puts an extra twinkle in his eye, while preventing getting any tinkle in hers. Look, once you let loose the rude-boy side of Gemini’s persona, there is no limit to what he’ll get up to. And no woman is more likely to go with it than she. A too hardcore edge notwithstanding, sex for these two thrives on variety. That means forever trying new positions, rooms, and pieces of furniture. Shagging in offbeat public places, too— taxis, elevators, trains, all such clichés are anything but for these excitement addicts. Aquarius likes to bring out the animal in Gemini, who can be measured, and actually quite artful, in his sexual style. Most women never quite unleash the beast the way the Waterbearer intends to. She is an unsqueamish character and will rarely blink at swallowing, say, or using her mouth in places the sun doesn’t shine. If anything, he will get grossed out for her. He can be a real clean freak, and odors, to his mind, should be kept to a minimum. He also likes a tidy workspace, meaning Aquarius will want to invest in some serious bushwhacking. Gemini has something of a sanitized vision of nookie; and, sexist though it may sound, the closer a woman resembles some airbrushed bunny from the pages of his favorite magazines, the better. Aquarius does enjoy costuming and here she has fun with that fact. Besides, she’s been wondering where to wear her rainbow legwarmers with her purple platform stilettos and crotchless chartreuse bodysuit. Gemini appreciates any efforts made to fulfill his fantasies, and we can’t think of any lady who’s more willing to accept the challenge. If anything, he will struggle to come up with new ideas. •

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GEMINI WOMAN

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AQUARIUS MAN

the jigger CHEMISTRY

Of all the would-be love bonds, this is the least categorical. There are so many variables, here, it’s difficult to solidly outline. But it would seem that these creatures have extreme reactions to one another. They either repel or completely lose themselves in each other, even from the get-go. The repel scenario we don’t need to discuss, it’s the other end of the spectrum that holds optimum fascination, one such word that could also title this chapter. Aquarius can have a mesmerizing effect on the Gemini, whose mind, she immediately senses, the Waterbearer seeks to control. He has that guru vibe about him, like the biblical water bearer John the Baptist, and Gemini is susceptible to such a lone, clear voice in the wilderness she perceives to be the world. Aquarius is the sole fixed-air sign of the zodiac, air representing thought and the mental plane. For him, ideas are thus solid facts, and he experiences his opinions as such, quite emphatically. The sign of Gemini is mutable air, recalling a buzzy barrage of information, which is why Geminis can be at turns flighty and manipulative, like Tinker Bell, a cartoon version of Eris, the goddess of discord, causing major mischief. So Gemini becomes the perfect agent for Aquarius’ notions, particularly those he has about her role in his life. C O MPATIBILIT Y

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It is incredibly difficult for Gemini to have her autonomy in this relationship, but this is the very dynamic to which she can become addicted. Friends may grill her to gauge her happiness, and even amid varying doses of misery, Gemini, herself, can’t put her finger on what it is that this relationship means to, or provides, her. Aquarius rules Gemini’s cosmic 9th house of the higher mind and shamanistic visions. And, indeed, the Waterbearer tries to urge the Twins to more elevated ways (his) of perceiving the world. He is the literal shaman, here, in this combination, seeking to impose his visions upon her. Now, that can be beneficial, or not. She may indeed better herself via the bond or become basically brainwashed. Either way, this relationship is a baptism-by-fire for her. It starts off fast and only becomes more furious. Gemini in turn governs Aquarius’ creative 5th house of love affairs, all social pleasures, gaming and gambling, among other like attributes. And, as is often the case, Aquarius treats Gemini like someone with whom he’s having a fling, even if it’s a forever thing, which can be exciting and romantic, but leave her feeling that depth is missing. He definitely relies on her to be his link to the social world, relegating all responsibility on that score. He can feel she’s •

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something of a project, a wayward waif he’s taken a gamble on, hoping to be set on the straight and narrow (read: his myopic vision of the world). It’s nearly impossible to gauge the level of Aquarian detachment, but here it is especially difficult. One gets the sense that he couldn’t be bothered if she were to pack up and go; yet he could just as easily crumble into a thousand pieces— Gemini becomes such an integral part of his functioning existence. A part he prepared for her. CARNALIT Y

One shudders to think what this couple could get up to. Basically whatever Aquarius can devise. But erring on this side of decency, we’ll steer clear of images of either or both of them completely encased in shiny electric blue or yellow latex, hanging from the ceiling like inanimate objects. Suffice to say, Aquarius’ signature control plays out in the bedroom, in spades. Imagine him, fully dressed, perhaps in an impeccable suit (for fun, we can picture Christian Bale), unruffled, stoic; and that Gemini (Natalie Portman?) is prone, completely naked, waiting for her next instruction. Perhaps she will only be directed to play with herself here and there, this way or that; or to creep over on all fours and, carefully, avoiding flattening the creases in his trousers, unzip him and just touch it, only touching, for a specified amount of time, until, that’s enough, gently putting it back in its clothed cage. Enough until next time. It’s this sort of, well in this case literally, dangling himself before the Geminian lover that really gets this guru going. And, she can barely believe it; she finds it thrilling, too, even in its ridiculous frustration. Whereas he won’t get away with this with most women, it’s the submission of her mind to his will that fuels fantasies he mightn’t even have realized were banging around that egghead of his. So there is this sort of symbiotic psychoerotic improv going on all the time, the direction of which neither of them can actually predict. Let’s call it sexual jazz. Typically it will involve spanking. When this disciplinary man meets the eternally schoolgirlish Gemini disciple, you can bet on some major paddywacking, a nice red behind rivaling any body part for stimulating the Aquarian’s libido. The more he withholds affection, the more she craves it, clinging to him even as they sleep. And when erotic buildup finally leads to the main event (if there is one), Aquarius reveals his special talents: He knows, as if he sees the math in his head like a giant engineering blueprint, at what height and angle to place his Gemini love toy, positioning her, say, on all fours, bidding her arch or straighten herself, like a breeder showing off a blue-ribbon winner, so that when he glides into her it is at the perfect angle for her pleasure especially. (He likes to figure this stuff out in advance.) And then he will plunge in and out of her such that the full length is felt to the very tip without it slipping away before it dives in again, making Gemini realize that long strokes of this skill provoke sensations she’s never before experienced. And this typically well-endowed man will do this with rhythmic regularity for hours, providing the Twins with countless orgasms, made all the more powerful by his carefully placed digits on her love button or slightly inside her bum. And then he speeds it up, begging the question, With Aquarius around, who needs electronic sexual devices? •

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GEMINI MAN

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AQUARIUS MAN

the jest CHEMISTRY

Aquarius is the proverbial ugly duckling who is charmingly unaware that he is the lead swan. Gemini tends to be tongue-tied (will wonders never cease?) and may go into superjoke mode to break the tension— his. Now, it’s not accurate to say that all of Gemini’s humor goes over the Waterbearer’s head, or, more precisely, under it, but much of it is lost on him. Even famous Aquarian comedians— Chris Rock, Eddie Izzard— employ a high-minded brand of yuks. Gemini has difficulty connecting, but it’s worth the effort, as once contact on this level is made with the rather alien Aquarian, a channel is permanently open and conversation can flow. But months may pass before this happens. Ah, that awful, delicious feeling of not knowing what to say to your crush. These fellows know it all too well. C O MPATIBILIT Y

Uranus, which rules Aquarius, is said to be a higher vibration of Mercury, Gemini’s governing orb. Both planets are about communication, universally and immediately, respectively. Indeed, Aquarius is concerned with ideas that affect people ubiquitously, while Gemini is focused on how information shakes down to him and his intimates. Teaching each other the benefit of taking the opposing view is a growth experience for both guys. Gemini may feel the Aquarius is hard to reach, that he doesn’t express affection. And it’s true, the Waterbearer tends to divest emotion generally, feeling for the world more noticeably than for any one individual, while Gemini is fairly Machiavellian and has that mob mentality of only taking care of one’s own. Seems like a problem until they realize that they have very defined roles, in life and in their relationship, and they do declare, “Vive la différence.” CARNALIT Y

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Like all bonds of this sign combination, there are definitely some kinks to be worked out and folded in. Both fellows are fairly versatile, so, on any given night, they can flip a coin to decide who’s flipping over. Oral sex is the most popular item on the menu. And, both being hygienic creatures, they like to get squeaky clean, giving them license to rim and otherwise use their gobs who knows where. Aquarius is happy swallowing, while Gemini prefers a good facial now and again. Often, the Waterbearer has his fetishes, which usually involve being the object of worship. He might enjoy his Gemini boy groveling at his feet, for instance, or having the Twins make gag or whimper sounds while blowing him. There are any number of possible quirks in Aquarian’s sexuality, these being just possible examples. Gemini can go along with anything, so long as it’s not too weird or intense. He keeps one foot on solid sexual ground, uttering his safe word before others would, lest the joke be on him. •

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GEMINI WOMAN

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AQUARIUS WOMAN

the jamboree CHEMISTRY

In guessing people’s signs, Gemini and Aquarius women are often mistaken for the other. They are typically bouncy little babes with round, kewpie-doll features. Even when they’re lanky supermodels, they have childlike faces, voices, and demeanors. These femmes make fast friends, immediately bonding, both being outgoing and endowed with a motormouth. They are touchy-feely and Gemini, especially, senses the electricity between them. Aquarius can be hard to read when it comes to sexual interest. Yet at the same time, it’s nearly possible to offend her: Gemini will work herself into a frenzy to make the first move, only for the Waterbearer to accept or decline her affections with equally steady emotion. Funny that Gemini female trips over herself to please the easy Aquarian. C O MPATIBILIT Y

In truth, the Twins needs constant reassurance of the importance of her love bond. But Aquarius is loath to overanalyze for fear of destroying the unspoken beauty. So Gemini needs to chill and Aquarius needs to pipe up with appreciative nods. Otherwise, these two tend to enjoy a breezy time of it. In some ways, each gives the other license to revel in her arrested development. There is a real love of lowbrow culture, kitsch, and cartoons and their home tends to be filled with tchotchkes. They are an intensely social pair, sharing an extended family of friends, constantly to’ing and fro’ing, or taking group trips, typically, to exotic places where one can live on a shoestring. In the end, despite her natural distancing from emotions, Aquarius is the mother figure within the relationship and her community. Gemini dotes on her as a lady who speaks her mind and whom one must never cross. CARNALIT Y

As emotionally needy as Gemini may be, Aquarius’ sexual requirements are heavy. And she has a built-in radar for really knowing if a lover is into her, or divesting feelings or body parts elsewhere. Aquarius can’t abide it. Cuddling is never enough. She must be valued as a sexual persona and given vivid demonstration on that score. Gemini can feel overwhelmed at first by Aquarius’ outsized libido and the Waterbearer’s no-holds-barred approach to getting it on. Sex with Aquarius is not for the squeamish, as she gives a lover a thorough working over and expects the same in return. No beating around the bush, pun intended, Aquarius requires major penetration, and she goes for girth over length when it comes to toys. With Gemini, sex is equal parts kinky and romantic, bondage and bouquets. Gemini will typically play the more submissive role, here, and the Aquarius mistress might make her into quite the obedient servant whom she nonetheless treats as a most prized possession. •

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